If Your Standards Change, So Does Your Self-Respect

Ok, so this year taught me something I genuinely wish someone had told me earlier: self-respect is NOT optional. like i used to just let things slide, let people treat me a certain way, and just...

 deal with it. and it always caught up with me later. always.

I used to give up on myself so easily. The second something got hard, I'd just fold. But starting college kind of flipped that for me. I realised loving yourself is actually so much better than I thought it was. I used to think if i was sitting alone somewhere, it meant something was wrong with me, like i didn't have people. But that's not it at all. it just means i've learned to give myself space and do the things I actually like, without needing someone next to me to make it feel valid.

and honestly that's where self-respect really comes from, not from saying "I respect myself" but from what you actually let happen to you. if someone's being disrespectful, the move isn't to hold on tighter or cry about losing them. it's realizing you're genuinely fine being alone. and the second you'd rather sit by yourself than stay somewhere you're being treated badly, you've already won something no one can take away.

most people think self-respect = confidence or "knowing your worth" but that's such a surface level take honestly. the real version shows up in the small annoying moments, staying quiet when something feels off, putting up with stuff you know you shouldn't, and making yourself smaller just to keep the peace. And it's never consistent either; that's the thing. we hold our standards when literally nothing's at risk, and then the second feelings are involved (esp with someone you like/love), we bend them instantly. We call it "patience" or "it's just for now." but every time you let it slide, you're kind of training yourself to believe your boundaries don't actually matter.

it's also not some big dramatic thing either, not like the movies. it's smaller than that, picking discomfort over convenience, picking honesty over people liking you, picking yourself over the relationship even when it hurts. it's not over-explaining yourself. it's not begging for reassurance. it's just... leaving situations that keep making you feel small, even when staying would be easier. None of it feels powerful while you're doing it. it feels awkward and a little lonely, honestly. but it's the only kind that actually means something.

the real test is: do you respect yourself the same way around EVERYONE, not just when it's convenient. if it changes depending on who's watching, that's not self-respect yet, that's just reacting. and no one else can protect that for you, people treat you exactly how much you let them.

so yeah. self-respect was never gonna show up in the easy moments. it shows up exactly when it's inconvenient. and if you're honest, you already know the moments you held your ground, and the ones you didn't. the rest is just up to you now.